Hearts Are Wild Read online

  “Pick you up? Not to fight another fire?” she asked, her voice unconsciously going up an octave.

  Josh rolled over and pulled her across his chest. His hands flexed as he rubbed up and down her arms. “I meant, pick us up and no, there’s no fire this time. I promise.”

  “Pick us up?” she repeated, curious as to where they were going.

  “Yeah, my truck got towed while I was fighting that fire. Tomorrow morning Dirk’s going to take us to get it.”

  He ran his hand up her shoulder and lifted her hair to cup the back of her neck. Rubbing his thumb across her jaw and throat, he said, “And yes, I meant us. I don’t want you out of my sight any longer than necessary. Your memory could come back at any time. By my side is where you belong.”

  Warmed by the protective nature of his words, yet scared by the you’re-here-to-stay undertones they held, she said, “I’m sure you can handle it without me.”

  Josh sighed. “I was hoping to avoid telling you this…to keep you from worrying, but the escaped prisoner has an alibi. It seems he was busy breaking and entering in another house while you were attacked. So that means whoever attacked you is still out there.

  “At this point, he has to know you didn’t die in that fire, which could make you a target. He doesn’t know you don’t remember the details. And since the details are still fuzzy to you, for all you know, you might have seen his face and could identify him.”

  “Oh God, I hadn’t thought of that.” Fear raced through her at the possibility Josh could be right. “Okay, I’ll go with you tomorrow.”

  “After we pick up my truck, I’ll give Colt a call. I’m hoping he was able to get Renee off his back.”

  “What are you talking about?” she asked, confusion reflected in her gaze.

  “Renee’s checking ‘all angles’ on the stable fire and your attack. She received a phone call from a ‘concerned citizen’ about the attack at the Tanner ranch. The lady who called in mentioned overhearing Colt tease Elise at dinner that if he were really in dire need for money, he could just bump her off and collect the life insurance money,” he replied in an irritated tone.

  “That’s crazy!” Sabrina said, feeling pure outrage that anyone would even consider Colt a suspect. “Anyway, I was attacked, not Elise.”

  “Yeah, but everyone agrees you and Elise could easily be mistaken for one another and you were attacked at night, so for all those reasons, Renee is looking into it.” His arms around her tightened before he continued, “Of course, I don’t agree with it. Regardless, I’m sure Colt will set her straight.”

  Once they’d finished discussing the case and the silence stretched out between them, Sabrina felt the tension build in Josh’s chest and arms, as if he were a tightly coiled spring, ready to snap. Wondering what current thoughts would cause him to tense up, her own stomach began to knot in response.

  Why couldn’t she pretend he’d never said, “I love you” or asked her to stay in Texas with him?

  “Are you planning to answer my question?” he finally spoke, his voice tight as he placed his hands on her arms once more.

  She let out a sigh and replied, “I’m sorry, Josh. There can’t be more between us. I can’t stay.” Well, damn, didn’t she just feel like the scum at the bottom of the ocean.

  His hands gripped her arms in a firm hold. “Why?”

  “As I said, we barely know each other. Plus I work in Arizona—” she started to respond, using any excuse she could think of, but he cut her off, anger evident in his tone.

  “Bullshit! You said yourself that your job could be done anywhere. What you and I share is rare. I don’t want to just walk away from that. Give it to me straight or not at all,” he said in a clipped tone.

  Her body stiffened in response to his anger. “Fine. You want it straight? I can’t deal with you being a fireman. That’s why I ran earlier. I felt physically ill while you were gone all day today, Josh. Then seeing you’d gotten hurt today threw me over the edge. I can’t go through that every day, hoping you won’t end up like my dad.”

  “That was just a scratch, baby,” he cajoled. When she didn’t respond, he said in a subdued voice, “You asked me about Nick the other night. Nick was my childhood friend. That picture you saw was taken the day we’d played all day long, pretending to be a fireman and a police officer. That day I’d told Nick I was going to be a fireman. He agreed I was the best fire starter and extinguisher on the planet.”

  Josh chuckled before his tone turned melancholy once more. “We’d planned to meet in our fort the next day, but Nick never made it. A faulty lamp caught his house on fire that night, killing Nick and his entire family in the process.”

  Sabrina sucked in her breath at Josh’s sad story and her heart contracted for the loss he’d suffered in his childhood. She laid her head on his chest and listened as he took a deep, steadying breath and finished his tale.

  “Ever since then, I’ve wanted to be a firefighter.” He lifted his shoulders, shrugging underneath her. “I know it’s irrational, but I guess deep down every time I’ve fought a fire, I’ve felt I was fighting that fire I never could for Nick, in some kind of atonement for not being there for him when he needed me the most.”

  She blinked back the hot tears that stung her eyes and felt the stirrings of deep love and appreciation tug on her heart. Sabrina fought the emotion that flooded her mind and heart, but how, in good conscience, could she ever ask him to give up firefighting after that sad story? She couldn’t. “See what I mean. Fires and firefighting cause nothing but pain and heartache.”

  He hooked her chin and turned her face toward his. The sky lit up once more and Sabrina briefly saw his down-turned eyebrows and serious expression before he spoke, his voice turning urgent, “You waltzed into my life and forced me to sit up and take notice. You’ve made me realize that I shouldn’t see an invisible ghost in every fire I fight, nor should I set unrealistic expectations for myself as a firefighter.”

  Rubbing his thumb across the tip of her chin, he then said in a tone asking her to understand, “The need to fight fires will always burn within me, Sabrina. I can’t explain it any better than that.”

  “Just as my own experiences have colored what decisions I make,” she replied. “After losing my father to such a violent death, I vowed I would never have a relationship with a firefighter…especially not one that could lead to a deeper commitment.”

  “I understand your pain and your motivation behind your decision, but I could just as easily die in a car accident tomorrow,” he countered.

  Damn if he didn’t come up with a convincing argument, but she knew herself well enough to know…she’d make herself sick with worry every time he walked out the door, regardless of how many valid rebuttals he threw her way.

  “Yes, you could,” she replied, her heart sad. “But being a firefighter, the nature of the risks you take are beyond everyday life stuff. They’re beyond what I know I can handle.”

  “So that’s it? In a few days, you’ll just walk away from me, from us, as if we’d never met, never connected, never meant more to each other than spectacular fuck partners?”

  She gulped at how callous and cold he made her sound, even if unintentionally. She knew he was hurt by her rejection. Hearing that hurt in his gruff tone was bad enough. She was thankful for the darkness so she didn’t have to see his teal gaze shift to a deep sea green as it churned with turmoil.

  Slowly she nodded, knowing he could feel her answer since his hand was still on her chin. “I will.”

  Without a word, he swiftly flipped her over on her back, pulling her arms above her head as he thrust his thigh between hers. “Then I have very little time left to convince you that staying with me is far preferable than living without me,” he said in a determined voice.

  “Josh, I know you’re upset—” she started to say, her heart breaking at their irreconcilable situation.

  “I don’t want your sympathy, Brina,” he ground out as he pressed his shaft
against her entrance and thrust deep.

  Sabrina screamed at the satisfying completeness she felt when he was seated inside her—every time she felt that way, damn it. Sad tears streamed down her face as he began to move within her in measured, deliberately slow, tantalizing strokes. Her heart hammered in her chest and desire swirled in her belly as her body temperature rose.

  When she moaned in ecstasy, his breathing turned choppy but his tone remained unwavering as he vowed, “I know I have your body, but I won’t give up until I have your heart and soul.”

  His words stabbed at her heart, making their lovemaking the most bittersweet and emotionally intense she’d experienced with him. His heartfelt words, his knowing touch, the way they perfectly moved in tune with one another… Sabrina silently acknowledged to herself that Josh did have her body. He even had her heart, but she couldn’t allow her soul to burn up in that white-blue flame only he seemed to be able to ignite within her.

  Chapter Eleven

  The next morning, Sabrina and Josh shared a quiet breakfast of bacon and pancakes, thanks to Josh’s fabulous cooking. The mutual silence between them was almost as if they didn’t want to break the peaceful spell that had settled over them. But Sabrina saw the heat, every time Josh looked at her across the table with his penetrating teal gaze. It was as if he thought he could will her to say, “Yes, I’ll stay.”

  When they were done with their meal, he stood then walked around the table to hold his hand out to her. He looked so sexy standing there in his black T-shirt, faded jeans and black cowboy boots. Even the bruised black eye and cut on his cheek worked in his favor with his rugged good looks. All this “certified” cowboy was missing was his Stetson, but she was glad he didn’t have one on at the moment because the hat would only hide his gorgeous wavy blond hair. Man, she loved to run her fingers through that head of silk.

  She put her hand in his and allowed him to pull her into his arms. As she wrapped her arms around his waist, she’d never felt more secure and loved than she did when Josh’s strong arms surrounded her. The spicy aroma of his aftershave teased her nostrils and she buried her nose in his shirt, enjoying the smells of laundry soap, aftershave and all male that commingled into an arousing cocktail for her senses.

  “Look at me,” he quietly commanded.

  Sabrina lifted her chin and elevated her gaze to meet his serious one. He searched her face before he spoke. “I meant what I said last night. I love you too much to let you go.”

  She closed her eyes, unable to meet his gaze. When he laid a gentle kiss on each eyelid, she let out a tortured sob. The man just made her heart turn to sheer mush and her knees literally threaten to give out from underneath her. Good thing he had her locked in a bear hug or she’d be a melted puddle on the floor at his feet.

  “I’d just pick you up and make you melt all over again,” he chuckled.

  Her eyes flew open at his comment as heat rode up her checks. “Did I just say that out loud?” she asked, already afraid of his answer.

  “Yes, you did,” came his satisfied reply as amusement danced in his eyes. He slid his hands down to cup her rear through her jeans, pulling her full against his body. “And don’t think for one minute I’ll let you forget it, darlin’. I’ll use every advantage I’ve got when it comes to convincing you that you belong with me.”

  The ruthless look in his gaze belied the lightheartedness in his tone. Sabrina resisted the shiver of anticipation that threatened to shimmy up her spine at the promise his eyes, even more than his words, conveyed.

  A distinctive, high-pitched beep-beep sound outside, interrupted the arcs of sexual energy and dual displays of willpower that seemed to flow unspoken between them.

  Josh frowned at the horn’s sound, then walked over to open the door. Sabrina followed him to see Dirk pulling his helmet off as he sat there in front of the house on his motorcycle, a wide grin on his face.

  “Well, I’ll be damned,” Dirk said as his eyes lit up. “Aren’t you just the luckiest dog around?” he said to Josh as he looked at Sabrina standing next to his friend. Nodding to her, he grinned, “Hello again, gorgeous.”

  “Hi, Dirk,” she replied and held back a laugh as Josh jerked his gaze to her, jealousy and surprise evident on his face.

  “You two know each other?”

  She laughed. “Dirk gave me a ride to the Lonestar when I first arrived in Boone.”

  “Got your rental car?” Dirk asked.

  She nodded. “Yep, the very next day. Not that I’ve used it much,” she smirked. “But thanks again for your help.”

  Josh walked out onto the porch, his entire stance tense. “Why did you bring your bike? I wanted Sabrina to go with me to get my truck.”

  “Might’ve helped if you had mentioned that bit of information,” Dirk shot back. “Plus, I just thought it’d be fun to take my bike up the hills to get to your place.”

  Feeling the tension flowing between the men, Sabrina jumped in, “It’s okay, Josh. Didn’t you say the towing place wasn’t that far away? I’ll wait here for you to get back. No big deal.”

  He turned his worried gaze her way. “I’d prefer not to leave you alone.”

  “No one even knows where I am. Remember we kept it a secret,” she replied with a laugh.

  Sighing, Josh nodded in agreement and walked inside to retrieve his keys and his wallet. When he came back outside, he said, “I’ll be back in a half hour.”

  She smiled up at him as he bent to kiss her before he walked down the stairs toward Dirk’s bike.

  “Let’s go, stud,” Dirk teased as he tossed a spare helmet Josh’s way and laughed when his friend grunted with the helmet’s impact against his chest.

  Once Josh put his helmet on and got on behind him, Dirk revved the motorcycle’s engine and turned the bike around. Before he left, he gave Sabrina a rakish grin. “Don’t worry, he’ll be back in record time. I can guarantee it.”

  “I’d prefer in one piece,” she called after the loud motorcycle as the men took off.

  Sabrina went inside and closed and locked the door. What could she do to occupy her time while she waited for Josh? After she cleaned their breakfast dishes, she picked up the remote and clicked on the TV for background noise as she continued to scan the house. When her gaze landed on his laptop sitting on the desk, she decided to see if she had any responses to the emails she’d sent out yesterday.

  She sat down at the desk and watched the last few minutes of an old sitcom rerun while she waited for his computer to boot up. Sifting through her email, she found a few that needed immediate attention and once she’d responded to those mails, her gaze was drawn to the news update that flashed across the screen.

  Eddie Clayton, the escaped convict who was recently apprehended after four hours of freedom, was just transferred to a maximum security prison today to await his trial where they will determine the additional sentencing for his latest transgressions.

  When the picture of the convict popped up on the TV screen, recognition dawned and suddenly that night came flooding back to her. She’d watched the news report, saw the convict’s photo, heard the noise outside, then picked up the lantern and…and…there was a note and she’d set it down on the railing when she picked up the lantern. What did it say? Damn why couldn’t she remember more? she berated herself as she tried to recall the rest.

  An idea struck her. Maybe if she could find that note, it would jog the rest of her memory. Picking up Josh’s cell phone, she flipped it open and quickly dialed the Tanners’ residence.

  “Hello?” Nan answered.

  “Nan? Hi, it’s Sabrina. A bit of my memory has come back but I’m hoping you can help me.”

  “Oh, that’s great news! I’d be glad to help if I can. What can I do?”

  “That night I was attacked, someone left a lantern sitting on top of a note on the porch. I remember picking up the note, but I can’t remember what it said. I’m hoping that maybe the note might still be there, that maybe it fell off the porch
and is in the yard somewhere. Can you look for me?”

  “Sure thing, child,” came Nan’s indulgent response. “Let me go look around. I’ll call you back. Are you calling from Josh’s?”

  “Yes, I am, but I’m calling from his cell phone…er…which I don’t know the number,” she apologized.

  “No problem. I’ve got Josh’s number. I’ll call that one back.”

  “Okay.” Sabrina breathed out in relief that she might finally be helpful in discovering her attacker. She hoped Nan found that note. Of course, after that hard rain yesterday, it might very well be ruined even if she did find it.

  Once she hit the “end” button on the phone, she was about to close it when she saw the “text message waiting” indicator flashing. She smiled as she pressed the button to retrieve the message. That had been sweet of Josh to think about her yesterday.

  When Josh’s message popped up, she felt all the blood drain from her face.

  Thinking about you. Meet me in the stables. Josh.

  The familiar phrase flashed through her memory and came jolting back… Meet me in the stables. Josh. The exact same words that were on the note the night she was attacked. God no! she thought, goose bumps breaking out all over her as a shiver shot down her spine. I went to the stables to meet with Josh. And then… Her stomach churned. …then I was knocked out and left unconscious while the stables were set on fire.

  Why would Josh do such a thing? Her mind frantically fought to sort through the confused and erratic thoughts tumbling through it. While her heart raced, she grabbed her belly, fighting off the waves of nausea. She felt physically ill…as if someone had just punched her hard in the gut when she wasn’t prepared for the impact.

  He did pretty much admit he had a thing for Elise when she’d asked him about it in the hospital…

  “Once upon a time…maybe…” he’d said.

  Maybe he hadn’t gotten over Elise like he’d led her to believe. Leaning forward, she put her hands on her knees for support as she forced her rapid breathing to slow, even breaths. She’d never felt so bereft and betrayed in her life. No, no, no! He said he loved me, she argued with herself as she squeezed her eyes shut. But try as she might to keep her whirling mind at bay, snippets of things that Josh had said and done to keep her sequestered, to keep tabs on her whereabouts came slamming back to her.